Alright let’s dive into this cock compare disaster I created last week. Yeah, embarrassingly real. Here’s exactly what I did, how I screwed it up royally, and what you absolutely should NOT repeat.
The Stupid Idea Strikes
Got chatting online late Tuesday night – some guys in a forum boasting sizes. Classic locker room nonsense. Thought “Hey, why not settle this for real?” Figured I’d run a small comparison experiment with my own. How hard could it be? Famous last words.
Grabbed my phone timer, a cheap plastic ruler from the junk drawer, and got ready. Mistake number one was starting cold, zero prep, just dove right in like a moron.
The Measuring Mess
Started trying to measure bone-pressed length. Jammed that ruler down hard against my pelvic bone while sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bathtub. Hurt like hell! Adjusted position, leaned over, ruler slipped. Tried lying down, ruler poked my stomach. Fumbled the damn thing like three times. Already frustrated. Forced it hard again, read the number quick, wrote down “6.1 inches”. Felt shaky even as I wrote it. Didn’t trust it for a second.
Girth? Complete joke. Tried using a tailor’s measuring tape I found. Couldn’t hold it steady around the thickest part. Taped one end to myself – stupid. Tape peeled off mid-measure. Ended up eyeballing it near the base while half-flaccid. Scribbled “5 inches girth” knowing it was probably bullshit. Accuracy? Zero.
The Photo Fiasco
Okay, time for “proof” photos. Big mistake. Lighting in my bathroom was harsh yellow overhead. Shadows everywhere. Grabbed my phone, realized the lens was smudged with fingerprints. Wiped it quick on my t-shirt – smeared worse. Tried angling sideways to avoid my reflection in the mirror behind me. Awkward arm twist trying to line up the ruler beside my junk, timer running, trying to not look flaccid.
- First pic: Blurry as hell, ruler numbers obscured.
- Second pic: Finger half-covering the lens.
- Third pic: Timer beeped, startled me, ruler fell off entirely.
Felt like an idiot performing surgery under strobe lights. Ended up posting the least awful blurry mess just to get it over with. Instant regret.
The Comparison Chaos
Posted my shaky “data” and awful pic online. Immediately, other guys started posting theirs. None of us agreed on how to measure. One dude measured from the side at an angle. Another used a string and a yardstick. People argued about what “bone-pressed” even meant! It was a confusing mess.
- Bad angles, weird lighting,
- Different rulers, soft tapes stretching,
- No standard posture (sitting, standing, God knows what),
- Zero flaccidity control across participants.
Someone claimed 8 inches but his pic showed the ruler starting way past the pubic bone. Felt utterly pointless and frustrating.
The Walk-In Horror
The peak of the disaster? My girlfriend walked into the bathroom mid-photo shoot. Saw me crouched naked on the tub edge, ruler awkwardly pressed, phone precariously placed. “What the ACTUAL hell are you doing?!” she yelled. Total disbelief on her face. Tried to stammer an explanation about an “experiment” – made it sound ten times creepier. She just stared, muttered “This is weird,” and walked out shaking her head. Talk about feeling two inches tall. Awkwardness lasted days.
What I Learned The Hard Way
Total waste of time and a fast track to feeling inadequate and embarrassed.
- Stressing about it just messed me up mentally.
- Zero reliable data came from amateur hour measuring.
- Inconsistent methods made comparisons meaningless nonsense.
- The personal cost (risk of partners finding out, privacy fears, self-esteem dip) ain’t worth it.
My takeaway? Don’t. Just stop. Avoid the pointless measuring contests and the horrible photos. Focus on enjoying real connections. This cock compare rabbit hole leads nowhere good.
