So today I’m gonna share my experience with safe words, something I didn’t think much about until last year. My partner and I were trying some new things in bed, and it got awkward real quick.
How We Started
It all began when we watched this movie with a BDSM scene. My partner joked “What if I actually hate what you’re doing but can’t say stop?” That stuck with me. Next Friday during foreplay, I just blurted out: “Let’s pick a safety word, like… tomatoes?” We both cracked up laughing. Choosing something ridiculous helped break the tension.
The First Real Test
That same night things got intense. I was biting her neck harder than usual when she suddenly froze. I stopped immediately asking “You okay?” She whispered “Tomatoes” so quietly I almost missed it. Turns out my elbow was crushing her hair. Without that stupid word, she’d have suffered silently to “not kill the mood”.
- Key moment: When her voice changed from playful to flat saying “wait”, I almost didn’t catch it
- What worked: Used “yellow” for slow down, “red” for full stop after realizing one word wasn’t enough
- Epic fail: Forgot to discuss how whispering counts too (dumb mistake)
Why It Matters To Us Now
After three months using this system, here’s what changed: When she says “yellow” during rough play, it actually makes me feel safer knowing she’ll speak up. The other night she used it because my beard was scratching her stomach – something she’d never have mentioned before. Now checking in feels natural, like tapping shoulders if hands are restrained.
Safe words ain’t about kink level – even vanilla couples need an emergency brake. Like having a fire extinguisher: better to have it and not need it than needing it and not having it.
