So yesterday my nephew called me all panicked whispering “Uncle…do they card you for condoms?” Kid’s 17 and just started dating. I realized I actually didn’t know the rules cold. Embarrassing! Decided to figure this out properly.
First Stop: Pharmacy Confusion
Walked into my regular CVS. Grabbed a 3-pack of Trojans just like buying gum. Went straight to self-checkout. No pop-up, no ID check, nothing. Weird. Thought maybe it was a fluke. Drove across town to Walgreens. Same damn thing – cashier scanned it without blinking.
The Gas Station Test
Okay maybe drugstores are loose. Hit up a grubby Shell station. Teenage clerk looked bored when I slapped condoms on counter next to energy drinks. Ring ’em up? He just yawned and said “$14.89”. Didn’t even look at my face.
Legally Speaking…
Got home actually sweating. Why no age checks? Dug into state laws – turns out:
- Zero states ban condom sales by age. Mind blown.
- FDA classes them as “medical devices” alongside bandaids.
- Pharmacists CAN refuse sales…but mostly don’t.
- Some school clinics hand ’em out free if you ask.
The Real Barrier
Called my buddy who works Planned Parenthood. He laughed: “Legal age? Just need cash. Problem is kids being too embarrassed to buy.” He sees teens sneak in looking like they’re robbing a bank. Worse than buying pregnancy tests!
What I Told My Nephew
Called him back: “Look. Legally? Go buy ’em now. But grab a Snickers too so you’re not shaking carrying just condoms.” Told him about discreet online delivery too. Kid sounded relieved then immediately hung up – probably texting his girlfriend.
So yeah. Spent $35 on rubbers I don’t need just to learn any scared teenager can legally buy condoms anywhere. Glad I checked though – now my whole family thinks I’m the weird condom uncle. Whatever!
