Okay guys, buckle up because I totally spent last weekend cooking up some hilarious – borderline filthy – Christmas jokes for this year’s holiday parties. Here’s exactly how I pulled it off:
Starting the Brain Dump
First I grabbed my sticky notes and camped out at the kitchen counter around 10 PM Friday night. Had this chaotic mind-map going: reindeer names crossed out (“Donner? More like Boner!”), candy cane innuendos, snowball fight double entendres… it was messy but the crazier the better. Poured myself some cheap eggnog and just word-vomited everything onto yellow squares until 1 AM. Woke up Saturday with 27 sticky notes plastered on my fridge like some festive crime scene.
Filtering Through the Garbage
Sunday morning I called my most chaotic buddy Mike for quality control. We Zoomed while I read him the full list – dude straight up spit out his coffee at “Why does Mrs. Claus approve of Santa’s long trips? Because his sleigh comes with 8 quick releases!” But he killed 60% of my jokes with brutal honesty. When I said “What does Santa call his BDSM workshop?” he just stared deadpan and said “That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.” Axed that one immediately.
The Survivors
- “Why’s Rudolph banned from strip clubs? The red nose gives away the tipping zones!” (Got an actual snort from Mike)
- “Mrs. Claus keeps Santa’s sack full year-round… of Viagra samples.” (Stupid enough it circled back to funny)
- “Snowman anatomy lesson: Two balls but uses the carrot for heat.” (We argued for 20 mins about carrot positioning)
The Final Test Drive
Took my polished top 10 to my cousins’ kids’ gingerbread house party (yes really). Dropped “What’s an elf’s preferred Kama Sutra page? The stocking stuffer position!” near the snack table. Got eye rolls from Aunt Carol but my 19-year-old niece choked on her candy cane laughing. Nailed the demographic balance – filthy enough for adults but dumb enough for teens.
By midnight I’d perfected the delivery timing: pause before “sack”, wink after “carrot”, pretend-cough when saying “BDSM workshop” (RIP rejected joke). These nuggets are currently rotating through our office Slack like herpes. Mission damn accomplished.
