So my husband and I hadn’t touched each other for three months straight. Like literally zero physical contact beyond accidental elbow bumps while passing in the hallway. I kept replaying stupid arguments about laundry and dirty dishes in my head until I finally googled “husband stopped touching me.” Got like 5 million generic articles telling me to “communicate better.” Yeah right.
My actual first step
Stopped all initiating. Cold turkey. No hints, no cuddling attempts, nada. Did this for two weeks just to see if he’d even notice. Surprise surprise – crickets. Like we were glorified roommates paying a mortgage together.
One Tuesday night when he was glued to football highlights:
“You know we haven’t had sex since before Memorial Day?”
His reply while staring at the screen:
- “Yeah I’ve been tired.”
- “Work’s been stressful.”
- “Thought you weren’t interested.”
Typical cop-out bingo card responses. So next day I did three things:
- Bought lacy underwear he’d complimented before (didn’t tell him)
- Texted him at 3pm “Leaving work early. Bed by 9?”
- Made spaghetti (his favorite) but with zero small talk
The turnaround
By 8:45pm he kept glancing at me folding laundry in those underwear. Suddenly offered to fold towels together. Physical contact! Progress. Then:
- He touched my waist
- Fumbled with the strap of my camisole
- Finally actually kissed me
I said what worked later in bed:
“Maybe we’re both bad at starting things now.”
Admitted my part – how I’d criticize him putting hands under my shirt while I was cooking. Owned that shit. He admitted avoiding initiation after too many rejections. We pinky swore to try signaling without words once a week.
Current system
We’ve got this running joke now where we tap each other’s shoulder:
- Twice means “not tonight”
- Three times means “shower then bedroom in 10”
Still awkward sometimes but way better than silent resentment Olympics we were playing before. Key was stopping the blame game first. Your move won’t be spaghetti and shoulder taps but find your version.
