So look, I kept bumping into this problem where my brain basically fights itself, y’know? This feeling pulls me one way, but my gut screams it’s trouble. Total head vs. heart battle. Happened a bunch lately, especially with this person at my yoga class. Every dang Tuesday.
Watching the Train Wreck Start
Started noticing the pattern a few weeks back. Feel kinda pulled towards someone or something – attention hooked, mood shifted. Used to be: fight it! Shove that feeling down. Tell myself it’s stupid or wrong. Big surprise: that felt like wrestling an octopus. Exhausting. Zero win rate. Mostly ended up fixating more or acting totally weird to “prove” I wasn’t affected. Real smooth.
One Tuesday after class, this lady complimented my downward dog (pretty sure she was just being nice). My brain went ZING!. Old method kicked in: “Nope! Danger! Distract! Think about… uh… tax filing! Yeah! Taxes!” Spoiler: I spent the whole walk home mentally rearranging income brackets while still replaying her voice. Dumb.
What Actually Started Working (Surprise!)
Got fed up failing. Read some stuff. Tried something completely backwards. Instead of wrestling the octopus… I acknowledged it. Like naming a pet.
Here’s the step-by-step mess I made:
- First, Spot the Feeling: Felt that weird pull at yoga again. Instead of panicking, I went “Oh look. That sensation is happening. Hi there.” Noticed where I felt it – tight chest, buzzing shoulders.
- Then, Just Let It Sit: Literally stood there holding my mat after class. Thought, “Okay, buzzing shoulders. That’s it. It’s just energy. Doesn’t mean I have to do anything.” Didn’t fight, didn’t feed it. Just observed it like a scientist watching weird bugs.
- Looked Past the Shiny Hook: Asked myself: What am I actually wanting right now? The person? Or the feeling? Almost always, it was the feeling – excitement, feeling seen. Or just boredom! Needing a thrill. Had zero to do with her personally.
- Got Practical: Since the real need was excitement, I tackled that. Signed up for a goofy pottery class the next day. Physical, different, scratched the itch without messy entanglement. Result? Next Tuesday, saw her. Felt a small blip. Said “Hi Blip,” breathed deep, walked out. Didn’t need a tax lecture in my head. Felt… normal.
Why Stopping the Fight Was Easier
Turns out, attraction isn’t always about the thing. It’s often a smoke signal for something missing in me – boredom, loneliness, craving novelty. Fighting the attraction is like wrestling the smoke. Pointless.
Spotting the real lack? That’s gold. Then you can fix the lack. Feed that part directly. Like getting a snack instead of salivating at food ads.
Been doing this a month now. Life’s calmer. Less head wrestling. More pots. Weirdly satisfying.
