That time we pushed our luck outdoors
Okay so last summer my girlfriend Tina kept hinting about doing something wild to spice things up. We were tipsy after this rooftop party walking through Washington Square Park around midnight when she whispered “let’s do it right here behind those bushes.” My brain screamed THIS IS A BAD IDEA but honestly? The danger kinda turned us both on. Before we went further I laid down some rules so we wouldn’t end up on the sex offender registry.
How we didn’t get arrested
First we needed a scout trip to find a spot. Came back next afternoon just walking like normal tourists scoping things out. We noticed this dense area behind maintenance sheds covered by big maple trees – total dead zone where footpaths curved away. Waited till Thursday night at 1AM when even NYU kids were gone. Made sure she wore a skirt and I wore gym shorts with no belt to bail fast.
Second I did a full perimeter check like a damn Navy Seal before giving her the signal. Walked circles around the whole block checking for:
- Cops parked nearby with night shift coffee
- Homeless camps in the next clearing
- Any security cameras on lamp posts
- Dog walkers cutting through
Took me like 15 minutes till I gave the thumbs up. Meanwhile Tina pretended to be texting on a bench.
Third we had this ridiculous code word system. If either of us said “pineapple” it meant freeze and cover up immediately. Tested it twice when some drunk dude wandered near shouting at pigeons.
Fourth rule was zero noise. She bit down on her own jacket sleeve while I constantly peeked over her shoulder scanning the darkness. Every cricket chirp made my spine tingle.
Fifth trick was keeping our clothes half on. I kept my t-shirt pulled over my waist so we could literally jump apart in 2 seconds. Her underwear stayed around one ankle for same reason.
The rush wasn’t worth the panic
Honestly? We pulled it off technically – in and out in maybe three minutes flat thanks to practice. But man, driving home my hands were shaking so bad Tina had to steer. Spent all night paranoid someone saw us or cops were coming. Had nightmares about court dates for weeks. The trashy thrill evaporated next morning when we realized how bad things could’ve gone down. Tina cried saying she never wanted that kind of “excitement” again.
Would I actually recommend this to anyone? Hell no. We got stupidly lucky. But if you’re determined to roll those dice yourself… well at least follow those steps so maybe you won’t totally destroy your life over five minutes outside.
