So last month, I woke up feeling blah, you know? Just kinda… tired of myself. Felt like I was stuck in a loop – work, eat, scroll mindlessly, sleep. Rinse and repeat. Figured my relationship with me needed some serious work. Like, how could I expect good things if I wasn’t even good company for myself? Decided to try building some better solo habits, something concrete. Stumbled across this idea of “self-partnership” online, sounded cheesy at first, but hey, desperate times.
Getting My Feet Wet
Started simple. Way too simple, actually. Day one? Told myself, “Alright, just try two.” Picked ‘Morning Pages’ and ‘Intentional Walks’. Morning Pages… ugh. Woke up, grabbed a ratty notebook from the junk drawer. Scribbled three pages of absolute nonsense. “Why is the coffee so weak?” “Damn, forgot to buy dog food.” “Why am I even doing this?” Felt pointless. Almost binned it right there.
But the walk… that was different. Decided no headphones, no podcasts, no distractions. Just me and my old neighbourhood. Walked slow, actually looked at stuff – Mrs. Henderson’s new gnome, the way the sun hit the brick wall of the pharmacy. Weirdly peaceful. Didn’t fix anything, but my head felt slightly less noisy after.
Adding Fuel (Mostly Failed at First)
Figured I needed more. Week two, tried adding in a gratitude list and digital curfew. Gratitude was easier than the morning pages. Every night before crashing, scribbled down three dumb little things:
- That perfect, crispy slice of toast
- The way the cat purred like a lawnmower
- Finding my favourite pen I thought I’d lost
Felt kinda forced sometimes, but other times, actually made me chuckle. The digital curfew? Absolute disaster. Told myself “no screens after 10 PM!” Lasted maybe two nights. Third night? Found myself doomscrolling Instagram at 10:15 feeling like a fraud. Total fail. Felt annoyed with myself.
Finding What Actually Stuck
Okay, adjusted. Scrapped the hard curfew – way too drastic. Swapped it for “no phone in the bedroom.” Charged the darn thing in the hallway. Started reading actual paper books again before sleep. Progress! Also tried the habit of asking “What do I need right now?” several times a day. Sounds silly, right? But honestly, half the time I didn’t know. “Coffee?” “A break?” “Five minutes staring at the wall?” Learning to actually pause and listen inside – that took practice. Still does.
Played around with others:
- Tried solo coffee dates – weird at first, actually got comfortable.
- Experimented with time-blocking Sundays for chores and fun – way less chaotic.
- “Doing Nothing” time? Yeah, learned I sucked at it. My brain fought hard.
The Messy Reality Check
Let’s be real – it wasn’t all sunshine and journals. Skipped the walk when it rained hard. Forgot the damn gratitude list entire weeks. That phone sometimes sneaked back onto my nightstand when a big work email buzzed late. Some habits felt clunky, like the weekly review – tried it, found it felt like homework. Maybe ditch that one? Others, like the intentional small outings alone or just stopping to ask myself what I needed? Gold. Started to notice moments where instead of criticizing myself for zoning out, I’d just… notice it, and gently nudge back. Less inner arguing.
Where I’m At Now (Not Perfect, Just Better)
Been plugging away for about six weeks? Honestly? Didn’t “fix” myself, didn’t suddenly become some zen self-partner master. Not at all. But the daily friction? Lessened. Taking that quiet walk most mornings sets a different tone. Writing down three little gratitudes most nights ends the day on a warmer note, even on crap days. Keeping the phone out of the bedroom is non-negotiable now – sleep’s better. Asking “What do I need?” has become this tiny anchor point throughout the day. Feels less like I’m constantly fighting myself. Still forget things, still scroll too long sometimes, still feel off. But overall? Yeah. The solo journey feels a little lighter. Feels like I’m finally showing up for me, not just going through the motions.
