So yeah, my wife and I finally tried swinging at Burning Man after hearing whispers about it for years. We thought we were open-minded until we actually got there and realized how clueless we were.
Getting Our Feet Wet
First night walking through those dusty camps, we spotted a tent with red glowsticks – apparently that means “open for play”. We stupidly barged right in like tourists at Walmart. Big mistake. An older couple instantly stonewalled us with crossed arms. Didn’t say anything, just stared until we backed out sweating. Learned real quick about non-verbal no’s.
Next day we tracked down this veteran burner couple living in an RV decorated with light-up flamingos. They gave us the real talk:
- Always ask BEFORE touching – consent is ongoing
- No means NO immediately
- Wristbands signal your vibe – green for available, yellow for maybe, red for GTFO
Trial Run Disaster
We put on green bands thinking we were ready. Joined this group massage circle near the thunderdome. My wife’s getting shoulder rubs when suddenly some dude starts kissing her neck. She froze up. I nearly punched him till I remembered: you gotta verbalize boundaries! She choked out “not cool!” and he backed off instantly.
Later that night we found a chill lounge playing disco. Made awkward eye contact with this Swedish couple. Following protocol, I actually said: “Can I touch your wife’s leg?” Felt ridiculous but they grinned and nodded. Progress! Until my wife got weirded out when the Swedish guy pulled out a flask. Learned another rule: intoxication voids all consent – bail immediately.
Finally Nailed It
Last night, we found our groove. Met this California couple playing chess naked. Used clear phrases like: “Wanna swap partners for 30 minutes?” and “Check in? Still green?” When fireworks started and we got distracted? Said “pause” without anyone getting butthurt.
Post-play we actually hugged and shared water – turns out aftercare isn’t just for BDSM. Important shit people don’t tell you: Bring baby wipes for cleanup, use dental dams even for kissing, and NEVER assume tomorrow’s invitation means today’s access.
We left realizing swing etiquette ain’t about being sexy – it’s about being a decent human. Who knew?
