Okay so here’s the thing – that question, “Why does no one check on me?” hit me right in the gut last month. Felt way too familiar. I’d scroll through social media seeing people getting surprise visits or calls asking “How you doing?” and honestly? I’d get kinda bitter. Felt like screaming into the void sometimes.
Started With a Brutal Honest Look
Instead of just wallowing, I sat my ass down one Tuesday night. Made a damn list. Seriously. Grabbed my worn-out notebook and wrote down the last month.
- How many times did someone actually reach out first just to ask about ME? Not about work stuff, not needing a favor, just… me. Counted maybe three times. My mom (bless her), and twice from one friend who kinda owed me.
- How many times did I reach out first? Turned out I wasn’t exactly flooding phones either. Mostly reacted.
- Felt lonely moments: Marked down specific times. Sunday afternoons were the absolute worst. Like clockwork. That quiet time after chores, before dinner. Just… empty feeling.
Seeing it written? Yeah. Ouch. Realized I was kinda stuck in this loop: Feel lonely > wait for rescue > get disappointed > feel lonelier. Dumb cycle.
The Awkward Experiment Phase
So, I forced myself to actually do things differently. Super uncomfortable, I’m telling you.
- Pushed past the pride. Texted two friends on separate Sundays. Not heavy stuff! Just dumb stuff like “Ugh, saw the weirdest looking squirrel today. You seen any lately?” Sounded stupid typing it, but both actually replied with their own weird squirrel stories! One even called later laughing. Baby steps.
- Switched up my spot. Instead of rotting on my couch feeling sad Sundays, I dragged myself to that busy coffee shop downtown. Took my book. Sat there soaking in the noise. Didn’t talk to anyone, but just being around chatter felt… warmer. Less isolating somehow. Did it three weekends straight.
- Joined that stupid online book club. My neighbor mentioned it for months. Always blew her off. But I signed up. Gotta talk about chapters every Thursday night for 30 mins via video. Everyone’s a bit awkward. But you know what? It’s a scheduled “touchpoint.” Knowing Thursdays are happening helps the other days feel less endless.
Surprising Takeaways (So Far)
It’s not perfect. I still feel that pang sometimes. But actively doing stuff shifted something.
- Waiting is a trap. Seriously. If you wait for someone to magically read your mind and check in? You might starve. Initiating feels weird, but it breaks the ice.
- Small signals work. You don’t need deep talks every time. A funny meme, a “thought you’d like this stupid song,” even just a “Hey” can keep a connection alive. It’s like tending tiny fires so they don’t go out.
- Routine human noise helps. The coffee shop isn’t profound friendship. But being around living, breathing humans talking, laughing, being annoyingly loud… it counters the feeling of being completely disconnected.
- Lowering the drama bar. I used to think a “check-in” had to be some deep, meaningful, hour-long heart-to-heart. Nah. Now I appreciate a quick “Yo, how’s it?” text way more.
The hard truth? Sometimes people don’t check on you because they suck, or they’re distracted, or maybe you kinda drifted. But mostly? They’re probably stuck in their own worlds too. Taking a tiny step yourself… it feels weird and scary, but damn, it beats staring at that silent phone. Still gotta push myself some days, but feeling less alone now. #StoppedCounting #CoffeeShopSavesSundays
