So here’s the thing, people are always talking about relationships being complicated. Right? And yeah, sometimes they totally are. But lately, I’ve been thinking… what if making love stronger doesn’t have to feel like solving a giant puzzle every single day? Like, maybe there are some actual doable things? That’s how I stumbled onto this whole “5 Simple Steps” idea, honestly feeling kinda skeptical at first.
Step 1: Just Start Paying Attention (Seriously)
Okay, so my first move? I forced myself to actually notice. Sounds dumb simple, but how often do we just cruise on autopilot with our partner? For one whole week, I stopped myself whenever I caught my mind wandering while they were talking. Like, literally stopped whatever dumb thing I was doing (scrolling my phone, pretending to listen while thinking about work) and looked at them. Saw the way their eyes crinkled when they laughed about something stupid, noticed when they sighed differently after work. I jotted down one tiny thing I noticed each day. Didn’t tell them I was doing it. Just scribbled stuff like “Asked about the boring client meeting today instead of just nodding” or “Noticed they refilled my coffee cup without asking.” Didn’t sound like much, but it made me feel… more there.
Step 2: Making Those Tiny Appreciations Loud
Here’s where it got a bit awkward, ngl. That little list of things I noticed? I started using it. Instead of just thinking “Aw, that was nice,” I started saying it out loud. Not some big dramatic speech, just a quick “Hey, thanks for grabbing my charger, that saved me this morning” or “I loved that stupid joke you made about the neighbor’s dog.” I felt like an idiot the first few times – super stiff, almost like reading a script. My partner definitely looked surprised, maybe even confused! But slowly… it became less weird. And here’s the kicker – they started doing it BACK! A simple “Thanks for cooking tonight” or “Cool hat” started flying around more. Small potatoes? Maybe. But it started feeling way warmer.
Step 3: Planning the “Dumb” Fun Stuff
Life is work, chores, errands… rinse and repeat, right? Connection just… vanishes unless you fight for it. So, Step 3 was my rebellion against the mundane. Every single Sunday, I literally punched a 1-hour block into both our calendars. Not for bills, not for groceries – for something absolutely pointless. Sometimes it was just walking to the weird antique store downtown we always pass but never go into. Other times it was trying to build the dumbest Lego set we could find. One time? We spent the hour making the most ridiculous pizza topping combinations we could imagine (spoiler: peanut butter was a mistake). Didn’t cost much. Didn’t solve world peace. But we laughed. Like, really laughed. We looked forward to that dumb hour all week. It was ours.
Step 4: Listening Like I Actually Care (Because I Should)
Alright, this step… this one kicked my butt. “Good listener”? Yeah, I thought I was one. Turns out I was mostly just waiting for my turn to talk or formulating my “solution” while they were still talking! Brutal truth. So, Step 4 practice was: Shut. Up. Listen. When they shared something – whether it was about a bad work email or seeing a cool bird – I physically put my phone down (face down!), looked at them, and just heard them. Then, instead of jumping in with my genius advice? I tried asking ONE question about what they just said. “Did you reply to that email yet?” “What kind of bird was it, did you see colors?” Seems tiny, but it forced me out of my own head and into what was actually going on with them. Hard habit to break, honestly. Still working on it. But they definitely noticed the effort.
Step 5: Dropping the Grudge Bag… Like, Immediately
Man, holding onto little annoyances? My specialty. The dishwasher loaded “wrong.” The laundry basket sat untouched. Boom, instant bad mood brewing silently. Step 5 was the absolute hardest: Deal with the small crap right away or let it go FOREVER. Seriously. If something bugged me, I gave myself 5 minutes to either mention it calmly (“Hey, about the dishes…”) or consciously decide to drop it and actually move on, no silent treatment, no passive-aggressive chores. Letting little things pile up creates this invisible wall. Breaking that habit? Super tough. Felt unnatural. But carrying that resentment bag is exhausting for everyone. Chipping away at it has made evenings way less tense. Easier to just… be together.
Okay, So Did It Actually Do Anything?
Look, it’s not some magic love potion. Life still gets messy. We still annoy each other sometimes. But consciously doing these five things, however awkwardly at first?
- Noticing small stuff made me more present.
- Voicing tiny appreciations built warmth.
- Scheduling pointless fun gave us something to look forward to together.
- Truly listening (still practicing!) built trust.
- Ditching minor grudges quickly cut out so much background noise tension.
The biggest surprise? It wasn’t about grand gestures. It was showing up daily, deliberately, in these small ways. Consistently taking these small bites out of the distance that just… happens. It feels simpler. Lighter. And yeah, honestly, happier overall. Worth the experiment for sure.
