So last Thursday night, me and my wife were just lying around after putting the kids to sleep, scrolling phones like zombies. Total dead zone energy. I suddenly remembered this “spice it up” talk we had last week – you know, that “we should try new things” conversation that goes nowhere? Yeah. Decided to actually DO something instead of just yapping.
The Boring Start & Stupid Idea
I literally rolled off the couch and went digging in the junk drawer. Found a red bath bomb from that forgotten birthday gift set. Grabbed some leftover Christmas fairy lights too. Told my wife “Hey. Shut your eyes for five minutes. Trust me.” She looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind but shrugged. Good enough.
Throwing Stuff Together
Ran upstairs, dumped the stupid lights on the bed still tangled in knots. Kicked all the laundry piles into the closet. Plugged the lights in – half the bulbs didn’t work. Whatever. Started the bath running HOT. Crumbled that dusty bath bomb under the tap. Turned off the main lights. Room smelled like cheap strawberry candy and looked like a toddler’s birthday party. Not sexy. At all.
Went back down, guided her upstairs blind. She laughed when she saw the mess. “Are we summoning elves?” But she got in the tub anyway. I sat on the floor feeding her grapes we had in the fridge. Tried to be smooth. Dropped one in the water. Splash. We both cracked up.
Where It Actually Went Okay
After the bath, we went to the stupid fairy light bed. No fancy moves, just slow kissing. Like, actually paying attention instead of rushing. Weirdly nice. Took turns giving massages with that ancient coconut oil. Talked dumb nonsense. She asked about my stupid work drama. I actually listened to her rant about the neighbor’s barking dog. Felt… normal but closer?
Didn’t try any circus positions. Just face-to-face, looking at each other properly for once. Noticed her freckles in the crappy LED glow. She kept giggling when my hair tickled her neck. Light vibe, zero pressure. Finished way more connected than usual. Passed out tangled up in those stupid wires.
What Actually Worked (Surprise!)
- Just STARTING: Didn’t overplan. Used literal junk we had. Momentum beat “perfect”.
- Keeping it Dumb: Laughing at the crappy lights and floating grapes killed awkwardness. Felt real.
- Touch > Talk: Less chatting “about intimacy”, more actual touching slowly. Hands, backs, faces.
- No “Goal” Pressure: Zero focus on “performance”. Just hanging naked together worked.
Honest takeaway? Most “exciting” thing was breaking the damn routine. Didn’t need props. Needed to stop scrolling and actually TOUCH each other like humans. Even clumsy effort beats another Netflix night in silence. Gonna raid the junk drawer again next week. Maybe try the glow sticks from that 2018 rave.
