My Skeptical First Session
Honestly? I dragged my feet to that office. Felt weird spilling our dirty laundry to a stranger. Counselor lady – let’s call her Jane – just sat us down, said “tell me why you’re here.” No judgement. My husband blurted out about me always being on my phone. I shot back about him never listening. Jane just… wrote stuff down. Didn’t take sides. Weirdly calming.
That “Communication Tool” Thing
Session two, Jane busted out this annoying exercise. She made us do this:
- Listen without interrupting (seriously? painful)
- Repeat back what the other said (“So you feel ignored when I scroll Instagram?”)
- THEN say your own bit
Felt robotic! But dang… actually heard him say he felt lonely. Didn’t expect that.
Digging Up the Real Stuff
Took a few weeks, but Jane started pointing out patterns. Like, I’d nag about chores, he’d shut down. Boom – defense mode activated every time. She linked it back to how his folks yelled. My constant “fixing”? Probably my dad being never satisfied. Heavy stuff.
Fighting… But Differently?
Big fight session! Jane actually encouraged us to argue right there. Sounds nuts. But she made us slow-motion it. “What just happened? What did you feel first?” No screaming match. We identified triggers – like that certain dismissive sigh from him, my instant “whatever” retreat. Learned to pause when we spot those now.
The Tiny Change Challenge
Didn’t fix everything overnight. Jane made us pick one small, doable thing:
- Husband: Put the dang phone down during dinner
- Me: One positive thing before complaints
Sounded dumb. Still do it. Makes dinners… less tense.
So yeah. Still work. Still mess up. Counseling wasn’t magic pixie dust. It gave us tools instead of throwing chairs. Mostly.
