Okay, so I was sorting laundry last Tuesday when this random thought hit me: “Man, I haven’t actually measured myself since high school gym class.” Not gonna lie, that tape measure looked sketchy AF back then. Figured I’d try finding a legit fast way since Googling gives you a million weird methods. Grabbed stuff around my bathroom and kitchen.
The Stuff I Used
First, I needed stiff paper – ended up tearing the back off a notepad. Scissors? Yeah, regular kitchen ones. Almost cut my finger trying to make a straight edge on that paper. For marking, I grabbed my kid’s washable red crayon because my pens were all dead. Then I snatched my wife’s sewing tape measure from her craft drawer when she wasn’t looking. Pro tip: return it fast unless you wanna hear about it later.
Getting Down to Business
Started standing naked near the bathroom counter. Felt kinda dumb just staring at myself. Laid the paper strip flat against my pubic bone – pressed hard so it didn’t slip. Made the first crayon mark where the shaft ended without cheating by pushing into fat. Then pulled the paper strip off quick like a band-aid. Almost messed up when I sneezed, nearly losing the damn strip down the toilet. Held my breath marking the tip on the paper afterward. Sweat dripping, man.
Measuring the Damn Thing
Unrolled that flimsy sewing tape on the tiles. Took three tries cause the tape kept curling up like a pissed-off shrimp. Pressed the paper against it with my elbow while stretching the tape with my other hand. Red crayon smeared everywhere. When I finally got a clear read? 15.3 cm. My teenage self would’ve high-fived me, but now I’m like “Okay cool” while wiping crayon off the floor. Tossed the evidence in the trash under coffee grounds so nobody asks questions.
Whole thing took maybe 4 minutes once I stopped fumbling. No magic tricks – just crayons, shaky hands, and hoping nobody walked in. Still beats that crusty gym tape though.
