Okay so this whole idea started when I realized how much I’d been bending myself to fit other people’s expectations this year. My jokes got quieter, my opinions felt filtered, and honestly? That ain’t me. Not the me I liked anyway.
Step One: Digging Up Old Proof
First thing I did was hunt down evidence of who I actually was. Scrolled waaaay back in my cloud photos till I found pictures of me doing stupid shit like wearing mismatched socks to a wedding or dancing terribly at a gas station. Not staged “quirky” stuff – real unplanned moments. Pulled up chat logs with my sister too from like 2018 where I ranted about pineapple on pizza with frightening passion. Felt weird reading my own old messages like they were written by some stranger.
The Actual Experiment Part
Next two weeks became a personality time machine:
- Wore that bright yellow hoodie I stopped wearing because Karen from accounting said it “distracted the workflow”
- Told the barista his tattoo was ugly when he asked for honesty instead of my usual “oh interesting!”
- Brought back my terrible habit of humming off-key in elevators
The scary part was how rusty it felt. That first sarcastic comeback at Tim’s boring meeting? Stumbled over my words like a kid reciting poetry.
When It Backfired (Obviously)
Wednesday disaster: Told Mark’s new girlfriend her lasagna tasted like wet cardboard because she asked for “brutal feedback.” Spoiler – she didn’t want brutal. Not even a little. Got ghosted by three group chats by Friday. My stomach did this weird twisty thing every time I opened my silent messenger apps.
The Turning Point
Then came Saturday at the flea market. Saw this hideous ceramic owl and immediately yelled “I NEED THIS” like I used to before worrying about being “tasteful.” Paid $3 for it. Carried that ugly thing home hugging it like a baby. Felt something unclench in my chest. That’s when I knew – it wasn’t about making people comfortable. It was about being me even if it meant standing alone holding a cracked owl statue.
Final takeaway? That core personality’s still in there. It just got buried under piles of “should”s this year. Gotta scrape off that crap daily though, like brushing your teeth. Otherwise the real you just… fades.
