It’s a tough thing to admit, even to myself, let alone put it out here. But yeah, for a long while, my husband and I just weren’t getting along. It wasn’t like one big explosion, more like a slow leak, you know? Things just started feeling… off. We were living in the same house, but it felt like we were miles apart.
At first, I tried to ignore it. I thought, “Oh, it’s just a phase,” or “We’re both stressed with work.” I’d try to initiate conversations, plan date nights, all the stuff you’re “supposed” to do. Sometimes it worked for a day or two, but then we’d slip right back into that weird, distant dynamic. He’d be on his phone, I’d be watching TV in another room. The silence was heavy.
Trying to Figure Things Out
I remember spending a lot of time thinking, “What am I doing wrong?” I replayed conversations in my head, wondering if I’d said something the wrong way. I really tried to communicate my feelings, but it often felt like I was talking to a brick wall, or worse, it would just spark another argument. We’d argue about the stupidest things, and it was exhausting. It felt like we were speaking different languages.
So, I started to do a few things differently. I realized I couldn’t force him to change, or to see things my way. That was a big pill to swallow, let me tell you. I started focusing more on myself, not in a selfish way, but more about what I needed to feel okay, regardless of what was happening with him. Here’s a bit of what I tried:
- Taking Space: Sometimes, instead of pushing for a resolution right then and there when things got tense, I’d just go for a walk or do something for myself. Let the dust settle.
- Picking My Battles: I used to want to address every little thing. I learned that some things just aren’t worth the energy. It’s not about giving in, but about preserving my own peace.
- Changing My Expectations: This was a hard one. I had this idea of what marriage should be, and ours wasn’t matching up. I had to adjust what I expected from him, and from the relationship on a daily basis.
- Trying a Different Way to Talk: Instead of “You always do this,” I started trying to say “I feel [this way] when [this happens].” It didn’t always work miracles, but sometimes it made him a little less defensive.
There wasn’t a magic fix. I didn’t wake up one day and everything was perfect. It was, and honestly still is, a process. Some days are better than others. There are still times when that old frustration creeps in. But I found that by shifting my own approach, by working on my own reactions and my own happiness, things started to feel a little lighter. I couldn’t control him, but I could control how I responded and how I took care of myself through it all.
It’s not the fairytale ending you read about, but it’s real life, I guess. We’re still together, and we’re navigating it. The biggest thing I learned was to stop waiting for him to make things better and to start making things better for me, within the marriage. It’s an ongoing practice, this whole relationship thing. And yeah, sometimes it’s still really, really hard. But I’m still here, still trying to make it work, one day at a time, focusing on what I can actually do.
