That awkward silence after a fight, huh? It’s the worst. And then the big question always pops up: who’s gonna be the one to text first? I’ve been there, more times than I’d like to admit, and let me tell you, I’ve definitely got some thoughts on this from my own experiences.
My Own Stubborn Phase
I remember this one time, clear as day, with my partner. We had this blow-up, not even about anything major, you know how it is. One minute we’re fine, the next, boom, silent treatment. And me? Oh, I was deep in my ‘I’m not texting first’ phase. My ego was huge. I genuinely believed that whoever texted first was the ‘loser’ or the one admitting they were more wrong. Pretty silly, looking back.
So, I’d sit there, stewing. I’d check my phone like every two minutes, pretending I wasn’t, of course. Hours would go by. Sometimes a whole day! And the whole time I’m just thinking, ‘He started it,’ or ‘He should apologize.’ It was a real standoff, and honestly, it just made everything feel ten times worse. The original argument would almost be forgotten, and it would just be about this new battle of wills.
The Moment I Caved (and What Happened)
But then, something shifted for me. I think it was after a particularly pointless argument that led to another one of these silent wars. I was miserable. The house felt cold. And I just thought, ‘What am I actually achieving here?’ Am I winning some invisible prize for being the most stubborn? It hit me that this wasn’t about winning or losing. It was about feeling disconnected from someone I cared about.
So, I did it. I picked up my phone. My heart was kind of pounding, not gonna lie. Felt like a huge deal. I just sent something super simple, like, ‘Hey. You okay?’ or ‘Can we talk about earlier?’ No big drama, no accusations. Just… an opening.
And the relief when he texted back almost immediately? Immense. Turns out, he was feeling just as rubbish as I was, probably also staring at his phone wondering the same thing. We talked, we actually sorted out the original issue, and things went back to normal. It was like, ‘Why did we wait so long?!’
So, Who Should Text First? My Takeaway.
So, back to the original question: who should text first? After going through this whole cycle a bunch of times, here’s what I’ve landed on: the person who wants the suffering to end sooner. Or the person who values the relationship more than their pride in that specific moment. It’s not about who’s ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ about the fight. That can be sorted out once you’re talking again.
I used to think texting first was a sign of weakness. Man, was I wrong. Now I see it as a sign of strength, actually. It shows you’re willing to put the connection first. It’s saying, ‘Hey, this argument isn’t bigger than us.’ And nine times out of ten, the other person is probably just as eager to reconnect but maybe they’re stuck in their own head too.
It’s not a game. There are no points for holding out the longest. If you want to clear the air, just do it. Send the text. That’s been my practice, and it’s made things a whole lot better. Way less time spent being miserable, that’s for sure.
