So, you’re wondering how one actually moves on from infidelity. Let me tell you straight up, it’s not like flipping a light switch. There’s no neat little checklist, no magic pill. For me, it felt like being tossed into a tumble dryer set to max, then spat out wondering which way was even up anymore. It’s a messy, winding road, not a straight path.
I remember the moment I found out like it was yesterday. Everything just went… silent. Like the world pressed pause, but my insides were screaming. It wasn’t just emotional; it was physical. Like a punch to the gut that knocked all the air out of me. For a long time after, just getting through the day was a massive effort. Sleep was a joke. Eating felt impossible. I was just a shell, going through the motions.
People mean well, they really do. They’d say things like, “You’ll get over it,” or “Time heals all wounds.” And yeah, time does something, but it doesn’t do the work for you. It’s what you do with that time that counts. I spent a good while just marinating in the anger and the hurt. Felt like I was drowning in it, to be honest. I’d replay scenarios in my head, dissect every word, every action, trying to find the ‘why’. Spoiler: sometimes there isn’t a satisfying ‘why’, or at least not one you can ever truly nail down.
My Own Stumble Towards Healing
Eventually, I got tired. Just bone-deep tired of feeling broken. That’s when things started to shift, little by little. It wasn’t a sudden epiphany, more like a slow, reluctant crawl out of a dark hole. Here’s a bit of what that looked like for me, my own practice record, if you will:
- Allowing the Ugly Feelings: I had to stop pretending I was okay. I let myself be angry. I let myself be sad. I cried a lot – in the car, in the shower, wherever. I learned that stuffing those feelings down just made them fester. Sometimes I’d just punch a pillow. Sounds silly, but it was a release.
- Talking (Eventually): For ages, I didn’t want to talk about it. It felt too raw, too shameful. But then I confided in a close friend, and it was like a tiny bit of pressure released. Later, I even talked to a therapist. Not because I was ‘crazy’, but because I needed a neutral space to untangle the mess in my head. That was a game-changer, actually. Just having someone listen without judgment.
- Small, Deliberate Steps: I started focusing on tiny, manageable things. Getting out of bed. Taking a shower. Going for a short walk, even if I just trudged around the block. These weren’t about ‘fixing’ anything big; they were about reclaiming small bits of normalcy and self-care.
- Rediscovering ‘Me’: Somewhere along the line, in that relationship, I’d lost pieces of myself. I started to slowly, awkwardly, try and find them again. I picked up old hobbies I’d let slide. I reconnected with friends I hadn’t seen in ages. It was about remembering who I was outside of that relationship.
- Setting Boundaries: This was crucial. It meant different things at different times. Sometimes it meant no contact. Sometimes it meant unfollowing on social media to stop the obsessive checking. It was about protecting my own healing space, fiercely if necessary.
- Acceptance (The Hardest Part): This didn’t mean condoning what happened. Not at all. It meant accepting the reality that it did happen, and I couldn’t change that past. All I could control was how I responded and how I chose to move forward. This took the longest, and it’s still a practice, not a perfect state.
What I really want to share is this: Moving on isn’t about forgetting. The scar will likely always be there. But it does fade. The intense, all-consuming pain lessens. You start to find moments of peace, then longer stretches of it. You start to laugh again, genuinely. You begin to rebuild your life, maybe differently than before, but it’s your life.
It’s a journey, not a race. Be kind to yourself through it. There will be setbacks, days when it feels like you’ve taken ten steps back. That’s okay. That’s normal. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You reclaim your life by living it, by choosing yourself, day by day. And slowly, you’ll find you’re not just surviving; you’re actually moving forward.
