So, you’ve been kicking around the idea of having sex outside, yeah? Sounds pretty adventurous, like something straight out of a movie scene. All spontaneous and passionate. Well, let me share a bit from my own playbook, because the reality can be, uh, a little different from the fantasy.
The Dream vs. The Dirt (Literally)
First thing you gotta wrap your head around is that “outside” isn’t one single, magical place. It’s a whole bunch of options, and most of ’em come with their own set of “features.”
- The “Secluded” Spot: You spend ages trying to find somewhere private. You think you’ve nailed it. Then, BAM! Dog walker. Or a family on a hike. Awkward.
- Nature’s Embrace: Sounds romantic, right? Lying on the grass, under the stars. What they don’t show you in the movies are the itchy bits of grass, the sharp little stones, and the army of ants that decide your backside is the new promised land.
- The Thrill Factor: Okay, a little bit of risk can be exciting. But then there’s the constant paranoia. Every snap of a twig sounds like approaching footsteps. Hard to stay in the moment.
My “Brilliant” Attempt
I remember this one time, me and my partner, we thought we were so clever. There was this little wooded area not too far from a park, but supposedly off the beaten path. We packed a blanket – thinking ahead, right? – and waited till it was getting dark.
We snuck in there, feeling like secret agents. Found a spot that seemed okay. Spread the blanket. Okay, game on. Or so we thought.
First, the blanket kept bunching up on the uneven ground. Not exactly smooth sailing. Then, I started feeling these little pricks on my arm. Mosquitos. Of course. Why wouldn’t there be mosquitos? My brilliant idea was to swat them away, which just made everything more stop-start and less, you know, smooth.
Then, just as we were sort of, maybe, getting somewhere, we heard voices. Not super close, but close enough to make us freeze. Turns out, some teenagers were using another part of the woods as their hangout spot. So much for “secluded.”
We grabbed our stuff, hearts pounding, trying to get dressed in the dark while tripping over tree roots. The blanket got snagged on a bush. It was a whole operation just to escape without being seen. By the time we got back to the car, we were sweaty, covered in bug bites, and more stressed out than turned on.
What I Learned
So, yeah. My big outdoor adventure. It wasn’t exactly the earth-shattering experience I’d built up in my head. It was more like a comedy of errors. You’re battling the elements, the critters, the fear of getting caught. It’s a lot of variables to juggle!
Doesn’t mean it can’t ever work out or be fun, I guess. But man, it really makes you appreciate a comfortable bed and four solid walls sometimes. My “practice” mostly taught me that preparation and a huge dose of luck are key, and even then, you might just end up with a funny story instead of a mind-blowing experience. And maybe a few new mosquito friends.
