Alright, so this question pops up, right? ‘Is masturbation okay if I’m not getting any?’ Heard that one a few times, in different ways, over the years. It’s one of those things people wonder about, sometimes quietly, sometimes out loud.
Let me tell you, from where I’m standing, after a good few spins around the sun, it’s a bit like asking if it’s okay to scratch an itch when no one else is around to scratch it for you. Or maybe if it’s okay to hum a tune to yourself when you’re alone. Sounds pretty straightforward when you put it like that, doesn’t it?
There was a time, I reckon, especially when I was younger, or maybe during those patches in life where you’re flying solo for a bit, where you’d hear all sorts of nonsense about it. People would whisper, or there’d be this weird, unspoken judgment, like it was some sort of consolation prize, or worse, something to be a bit ashamed of if you weren’t ‘with’ someone. Loads of old-fashioned ideas floating about, making folks feel awkward.
My Own Journey With This Thought
So, I did my own thinking, my own living, you could say. Went through phases, like everyone does. Times when I was in relationships, times when I wasn’t. And you know what? You learn a lot about yourself in all those different seasons of life.
And here’s what I figured out for myself, just from my own experience walking this path:
- It’s about knowing your own body. Simple as that. Understanding what makes you tick, what makes you feel, well, you.
- It’s not really a ‘substitute’ for sex with a partner, because that’s a whole different ball game, with connection and all that. This is more like… personal maintenance? Or just a way to connect with yourself. Like, enjoying a good meal by yourself is different from a dinner party, but both can be perfectly fine and enjoyable in their own way.
- That whole ‘shame’ part? Honestly, most of that felt like baggage other people were trying to hand me, or dusty old rules from a book I wasn’t reading anymore.
I remember having these internal conversations, you know? Society, or at least bits of it, might have been saying one thing, or implying it. But my own body, my own common sense, was often pointing in a different direction. It was a bit like being told you shouldn’t enjoy a sunny day just because it’s a Tuesday. Makes no sense, right?
It kind of reminds me of this one time I was trying to learn a new skill, completely unrelated, mind you. Everyone had an opinion on the ‘right’ way to do it, most of them conflicting. I got so tangled up in their advice. Eventually, I just had to shut out the noise, get my hands dirty, and figure out what actually worked for me through trial and error. This feels a bit like that. There’s a lot of chatter, a lot of ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ thrown around about all sorts of personal stuff.
But at the end of the day, it’s your body, your life. If it’s something that helps you feel okay, maybe a bit more relaxed, or just more in tune with yourself, and it’s not causing harm to you or anyone else, then who’s to say it’s not okay?
For me, it became pretty clear over time. It wasn’t about ‘if I don’t have sex.’ It was just… a natural part of being human, sometimes. Like needing to unwind after a long day or wanting to stretch after sitting for too long. It’s different for everyone, how it fits into their life, or if it does at all. But the idea of it being ‘not okay’ just because you’re not currently sexually active with a partner? That just didn’t hold water for me, based on my own journey.
So, yeah, my practice, my record, my personal logbook, whatever you want to call it, points to it being pretty darn okay. Just another piece of the very complex, sometimes messy, but ultimately personal puzzle of being human.
