Alright, so someone hit me up the other day, asking ‘que es un pansexual?’ – or, you know, ‘what is pansexual?’ And let me tell ya, it wasn’t something I just got overnight. It actually took me a good while to wrap my head around it, to really understand what folks meant when they used that word.
For the longest time, I had it kinda mixed up. My first thoughts were probably something like:
- Is this just another word for being bisexual?
- Or is it something completely different, maybe more… inclusive?
- Honestly, I even heard some people joke, like, ‘Are they attracted to pans?’ Yeah, I know, silly, but that’s the kind of confusion that was out there.
I saw the term pop up online, maybe heard it in a show, but it was just a word floating around, didn’t really sink in, you know?
My real journey to understanding this stuff, it wasn’t from reading some dictionary definition. Nah, that’s not how I learn things best. It was more about actually listening. I started paying attention when people, actual human beings, would say, ‘Hey, that label? Pansexual? That’s me.’ And I’d think, okay, what does that feel like for them?
I remember I was trying to figure out a lot of things about myself back then too. Life’s messy, feelings are messy, and trying to stick a label on everything can feel like trying to catch smoke. So, when I started hearing about pansexuality, I was curious, genuinely curious, because the usual boxes just weren’t making sense for everyone I knew, or even for some of the feelings I was trying to understand in the world around me.
My “Aha!” Moment Wasn’t One Moment
It wasn’t like a big flash of lightning and suddenly I understood. It was more like a slow burn, a gradual dawning. I had this one friend, let’s call them Jamie. Jamie identified as pansexual, and we’d have these long talks, you know, the kind where you just open up about everything. And I’d ask, probably awkwardly at first, ‘So, help me get this. What does pansexual mean for you?’
And what Jamie, and others I spoke to, helped me see was that it wasn’t about liking ‘both’ genders in the traditional sense. It was something… more expansive. They’d say things like, ‘Look, for me, when I’m attracted to someone, their gender isn’t really the deciding factor. It’s their personality, their vibe, the connection we have.’ It was like the gender of the person was just another piece of information about them, not the headline attraction-wise.
That kinda shifted my perspective. I was so used to thinking in terms of ‘men like women,’ ‘women like men,’ or ‘people like men and women.’ But pansexuality, as I started to understand it, was saying that attraction could happen regardless of gender. It wasn’t about being attracted to all genders specifically, but that gender wasn’t a barrier or a filter for who they could be attracted to.
I started to think about all the different ways people identify their gender – not just male or female. There are non-binary people, genderfluid folks, agender individuals. And if your attraction is only limited to ‘men and women,’ where do all these other wonderful people fit in? Pansexuality seemed to make space for that reality in a way other terms I knew didn’t quite capture as explicitly.
So, What’s My Takeaway Now?
So, after all that listening and thinking and a bit of my own personal reflection, when I hear ‘pansexual’ now, I don’t just think of a definition. I think of it as a way some people experience attraction where gender isn’t the key ingredient. They can be attracted to men, to women, to non-binary people, to people across the entire gender spectrum. The person is what matters, their unique self. Their heart, their mind, their spirit – whatever you want to call it.
It’s not about being ‘confused’ or ‘indecisive,’ like some ignorant folks try to say. Far from it. It’s just a genuine way that attraction works for some people. It’s about the capacity for attraction to people of any and all gender identities. It really opened my eyes to how diverse human attraction can be.
It took me a while, and a lot of unlearning old ideas, to get to this understanding. But it feels a lot more real and honest than trying to cram everyone’s experiences into tiny, pre-defined boxes. People are just way more beautifully complex than that, and I’m glad I took the time to really listen and learn.
