Alright, so I’ve been kicking this idea around in my head for a bit: “what does it mean when a man does too much?” It’s a phrase that gets thrown around, and I’ve seen it play out a few times. It’s not always straightforward, you know?
My Observations in Practice
I actually had a front-row seat to a situation like this a while back with a buddy of mine. Let’s call him Alex. Good dude, really. He met this woman, and man, he fell hard. And when Alex falls, he goes all out. I mean, he started doing everything.
So, what did “doing too much” look like in his case? Well, my practice was basically watching this unfold, taking mental notes, I guess. Here’s how it went down, step by step from what I saw:
- The Grand Gestures Begin: First off, it was the big stuff. Surprise weekend trips he planned down to the minute, super expensive dinners, gifts that weren’t for any special occasion, just because. He was convinced this was what you had to do.
- Constant Contact: Then came the phone. Texts all day long. “Good morning beautiful,” “How’s your day?” “What are you up to?” “Thinking of you!” If she didn’t reply pretty quick, he’d get visibly antsy. I saw it when we were hanging out. He’d be checking his phone like it was about to self-destruct.
- Solving Every Problem (Even Unasked): This was a big one. Any tiny issue she mentioned, Alex was on it. Car trouble? He’s there. Bad day at work? He’s offering a five-point plan to fix her career. He genuinely wanted to help, but it was like he needed to be her knight in shining armor for, like, everything.
- Future Planning Overdrive: Pretty early on, he started talking about “their” future. Not just vague dreams, but like, serious plans. Where they’d live, what their kids would be like. It was a lot, real fast.
The Unfolding and What I Saw
Now, I was just an observer in this, mostly. We’d grab a beer, and he’d tell me all about his latest plans or how much he was doing for her. I remember thinking, “Dude, slow your roll a bit, maybe?” But he was convinced this was him being the ‘perfect boyfriend’.
What I started noticing, though, was her reaction. At first, yeah, she seemed flattered. Who wouldn’t be, with all that attention? But after a few months, I saw a shift. She started looking a bit… overwhelmed. Almost like she couldn’t keep up or didn’t have space to just be.
She started making excuses to not see him as much. Her replies to his texts got shorter. He, of course, took this as a sign he needed to try harder, do more. It was a tough cycle to watch, honestly.
The End Result and My Takeaway
Long story short, it didn’t end well. She broke it off. Said she felt suffocated, like she’d lost herself in his efforts. Alex was gutted. He kept saying, “But I did everything for her! I was always there!” He just didn’t get it at the time.
So, after seeing all that, what did I “record” in my mental logbook about a man “doing too much”?
It’s not really about the actions themselves being bad. It’s more about the why and the impact.
- It can feel like pressure. All those gestures, all that attention, it can stop feeling like love and start feeling like an obligation for the other person to react a certain way.
- It doesn’t leave room for her. If he’s always solving, always planning, always talking, where’s her space to contribute, to want, to even miss him? It can kinda erase her from the equation.
- Sometimes it’s about his needs, not hers. He might be doing it because he’s insecure, or because he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do to be loved, rather than tuning into what she actually wants or needs.
- It can come off as a lack of trust. Constantly stepping in to “fix” things can make the other person feel like you don’t think they’re capable.
So yeah, my “practice” in understanding this came from watching Alex. “Too much” is when the giving stops being about connection and starts being about something else – usually something that makes the other person feel small, or overwhelmed, or just plain tired. It’s a tricky balance, for sure. But “too much” often means the “too” is overshadowing the “much,” if that makes any sense.
