Alright, let’s dive into this “dirty christmas sayings” thing. I saw some folks online kicking around some pretty edgy Christmas phrases, and I thought, “Why not? Let’s see if I can come up with some of my own.” I wasn’t aiming for Hallmark material, that’s for damn sure.
Phase one: Brainstorming. I grabbed a beer (or three), sat down, and started scribbling down every Christmas-y thing that came to mind. Reindeer, Santa, snow, carols, the whole shebang. Then, I thought about how I could twist ’em. My goal was to be naughty, not just nice.
For example, “Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin’?” became “Sleigh bells ring, my pants are missin’.” See what I did there? Real high-brow stuff, I know. Then I tried, “I saw mommy kissing santa clause”, became “I saw mommy doing santa clause”.
- Santa: The big guy’s an easy target, right? I thought about things like, “Santa’s sack is full, but not with toys.” Or, “Santa came early this year… and often.” Classy, I know.
- Reindeer: “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny… package.” I’m not proud of that one, but it made the list.
- Snow: “Let it snow, let it snow, let it… blow.”
Phase two: Filtering the garbage. Honestly, a lot of the stuff I came up with was just plain stupid. I tossed out anything that wasn’t at least a little bit clever (or ridiculously offensive). This is where I had to get real with myself. Some of it was just too low-hanging fruit. I wanted lines that would get a chuckle, not just a groan.
Phase three: The “test.” I sent a few of these zingers to my buddies. I figured if they laughed, I was onto something. If they unfriended me, well, back to the drawing board. Surprisingly, most of ’em got a kick out of it. A few even added their own twisted suggestions.
The final product? I’m not gonna share all of ’em here. Some are just too damn raunchy. But here are a couple of the milder ones that made the cut:
- “Have yourself a dirty little Christmas.”
- “Santa’s got a package for you… and it ain’t presents.”
Look, it’s all in good fun. I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s Christmas. But a little bit of dark humor never hurt anyone, right? I had fun making these and I hope you all do too!
