Alright, let’s talk about something heavy. Infidelity. Getting over it? Man, that’s a journey. Not a walk in the park, more like climbing a damn mountain in the rain. I went through it, and it near about broke me. Here’s kinda how I stumbled through it.
Finding out felt like getting hit by a truck I didn’t see coming. Just… bam. Everything went numb, then came the firestorm in my chest. Anger, hurt, confusion, like a blender full of rocks grinding away inside me. Slept? Barely. Ate? Hardly. Just existed in this fog of betrayal for what felt like forever.
The first days, weeks… chaos. Lots of yelling, lots of tears. Pointing fingers, asking “why” a million times, getting answers that didn’t really help, or sometimes no answers at all. It felt like drowning, honestly. You thrash around, trying to grab onto something, anything, but it all feels slippery.
What I Actually Did To Crawl Out
After the initial explosion, I realised just wallowing in the muck wasn’t getting me anywhere. I had to actually do something to pull myself out. It wasn’t neat, wasn’t pretty, but here’s the gist of what I tried:
- Felt the damn feelings: I stopped trying to be strong or pretend I was okay. If I needed to cry, I cried. If I was angry, I let myself be angry (safely, mind you – punching pillows, screaming in the car, that kinda thing). Bottling it up was just making it worse. I had to let the poison out.
- Talked it out (sort of): Had some tough conversations. Not easy. Sometimes felt pointless. But I needed to say my piece, get my hurt across. Didn’t always get the response I wanted, but saying it was for me. Also talked to a close friend, someone who just listened without judging. That helped more than I expected.
- Made some space: Needed room to breathe. Whether that meant physical space for a while or just emotional boundaries. Like, “I can’t talk about this right now,” or “I need time alone.” Had to protect what little sanity I had left.
- Focused on ME: This was the big one. I’d lost myself in the relationship and the drama. So, I started small. Went for walks. Listened to music I liked. Reconnected with old hobbies I’d let slide. Little things that reminded me who I was outside of being someone’s partner. It was about rebuilding my own sense of self-worth, piece by tiny piece. Because let me tell you, infidelity shreds your self-esteem.
- Gave it TIME: Seriously, this is the kicker. There’s no switch to flip. It takes time. A LOT of time. Some days felt okay, others I was right back in the pit. Had to keep reminding myself that healing isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, up and down. Patience became my unwilling best friend.
- Let go of the ‘why’: Initially, I obsessed over why it happened. Drove myself crazy. Eventually, I realized knowing the exact ‘why’ wouldn’t change the ‘what’. It happened. Understanding might offer context, but it doesn’t undo the pain. Focusing on my own healing became more important than dissecting the past.
Where I Landed
Am I “over” it? Depends on your definition. The scar is there. I don’t think something like that ever completely vanishes. But it doesn’t rule my life anymore. The intense pain faded. The anger cooled down. I rebuilt my life, focused on what makes me happy and secure.
It wasn’t about forgiving quick or forgetting ever. It was about accepting that this awful thing happened, learning what I could from it (mostly about myself and what I need), and choosing to move forward instead of staying stuck in that place of hurt. It’s a long road, and everyone’s path looks different. But getting through it, surviving it, is possible. You just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when it feels impossible.
