Okay, let’s get into this. It’s something I’ve thought about, you know, gone through the motions.
Starting Out
So, first off, you feel this kind of pressure, right? Like there’s an expectation, a script you’re supposed to follow. It wasn’t really about wanting to do it, more like feeling I had to put on a show. It started small, just trying to match the energy I thought was expected.
The Process – Trying to Make it Work
I really tried to get into the mindset. You kind of observe, mimic what you think it’s supposed to look like, sound like. It’s a lot of acting, honestly. You focus on the external signs.
- Making certain sounds.
- Moving in a way you think fits the part.
- Trying to convince not just the other person, but maybe yourself too?
It felt like following a checklist in my head. Do this, then that. Say this, react like that. But inside, man, it felt hollow. Like I was watching myself from outside the room. There was this huge disconnect between the performance I was putting on and what was actually going on, or rather, not going on inside me.
It’s tiring, too. Keeping up the act takes a lot of mental energy. You’re constantly monitoring, adjusting, making sure the performance is believable. It’s stressful, worrying about getting ‘caught’ or not being convincing enough. The whole thing felt… well, fake. Because it was.
What I Realized
After doing this for a bit, I started asking myself, ‘What’s the point?’ It wasn’t bringing any real connection, just reinforcing this weird dynamic built on pretence. It felt disrespectful, actually – to myself and to the situation. Authenticity started feeling way more important than performance.
So, I stopped. Decided it wasn’t worth the effort or the weird feeling afterwards. It’s better to be honest, even if it means things are awkward or don’t go according to some imaginary script. True connection, whatever that looks like in the moment, beats a fake performance any day. That’s just been my experience, putting that whole ‘fakeing it’ thing behind me. It wasn’t serving anyone, least of all me.
