Okay, so lemme tell you about this counseling thing I did after, well, you know… cheating. It was messy, complicated, but I think I learned a thing or two.
The Setup: First off, gotta say, admitting it was the hardest part. I mean, sitting there, knowing I messed up big time… it sucked. My partner, bless their heart, decided we should try counseling. Honestly, I was expecting yelling, screaming, maybe a thrown lamp. But they were surprisingly calm, just hurt. So, we found a therapist, someone who specialized in infidelity.
The First Few Sessions: Digging Deep These were rough. The therapist, she wasn’t judging, but she wasn’t letting me off the hook either. We talked about why it happened. And I had to be real honest with myself, not just blame it on booze or boredom. We talked about my insecurities, my needs that weren’t being met (and that I wasn’t communicating!), and basically, a whole lot of stuff I’d been avoiding for years.
- My Role: I had to own my crap. No excuses. No blaming. Just saying, “Yeah, I screwed up, and I’m taking responsibility.”
- Their Pain: Listening to my partner talk about the hurt, the betrayal… it was brutal. But I needed to hear it. I needed to understand the damage I’d caused.
- The “Why”: This wasn’t about the other person. It was about us. About me. About what was missing in our relationship and in myself.
The Middle Ground: Rebuilding Trust Okay, so we got through the initial shock and pain. Now came the hard work: rebuilding trust. This wasn’t a quick fix. It was a slow, gradual process. Transparency was key.
- Open Book Policy: Phone, email, social media… everything was open. No secrets. It felt invasive at first, but it was necessary to show I had nothing to hide.
- Communication, Communication, Communication: We started really talking. Like, actually listening to each other, not just waiting for our turn to speak. We learned about “I feel” statements and active listening. Corny, but effective.
- Dating Again: We started dating each other again. Going out, having fun, remembering why we fell in love in the first place.
The Long Haul: Maintenance Counseling didn’t magically fix everything. It gave us the tools to deal with the aftermath and to build a stronger relationship. But it’s ongoing.
- Regular Check-Ins: We still talk about our feelings, our needs, our fears. We don’t let things fester.
- Forgiveness (of Myself): This was a big one. I had to forgive myself for what I did. Not excuse it, but accept it and move forward.
- Commitment: We both had to be 100% committed to making it work. If one of us wasn’t all in, it wouldn’t have lasted.
The Result? Look, it wasn’t easy. There were days I wanted to give up, days my partner wanted to give up. But we stuck with it. And honestly? Our relationship is stronger now than it ever was before. We’re more honest, more communicative, and more connected. Cheating is a terrible thing, and I’ll regret it forever. But going through counseling, facing the consequences, and working to rebuild our relationship… it changed me. It changed us.
My Advice? If you’re in this situation, don’t be afraid to seek help. Counseling isn’t a magic wand, but it can give you the tools you need to navigate the mess and maybe, just maybe, come out stronger on the other side.
