So, I found myself thinking about this whole “boyfriend expectations” mess the other day. It wasn’t like some big epiphany, more like realizing my thoughts were all over the place after seeing a friend go through a rough patch. And honestly? My own track record wasn’t exactly stellar either. I figured, maybe it’s time I actually, you know, thought about what I was even looking for.
I actually grabbed a notepad, one of those cheap spiral ones. Felt a bit silly, like I was making a grocery list. Started just jotting stuff down, whatever came to mind first. You know the drill:
- Good looking (whatever that means, right?)
- Funny, gotta laugh
- Stable job, not asking for millions but, you know, reliable
- Likes dogs (this was non-negotiable, haha)
- Listens to me
- Kind
The list got longer, a mix of kinda deep stuff and really surface-level things. It was a jumble. I looked at it after maybe ten minutes of this brain dump. Some of it felt right, but some felt… weird. Like, where did that expectation come from? A movie? Something my mom said once?
Digging a Bit Deeper
That’s when I started questioning the list. I went back through my own dating history, the good and the bad. There was that one guy, super handsome, ticked that box right off. But man, trying to have a real conversation? Like talking to a brick wall. Didn’t listen. So, “good looking” got kinda pushed down the priority list. Not off it, let’s be real, but lower.
Then there was the guy who was incredibly kind, really sweet. But fundamentally, we just wanted different things out of life. Our core values were just… off. We couldn’t agree on the big picture stuff. So “kind” stayed, but I realized it needed more. Kind, yes, but also… aligned? On the same page about what matters?
I started crossing things out, rephrasing others. “Stable job” became less about the job itself and more about responsibility, being able to handle your own stuff. “Funny” stayed, because life’s too short not to laugh, but maybe less “jokester” and more “shares my sense of humor.”
What Stuck Around
It wasn’t about creating the “perfect” man on paper. That felt dumb once I started really thinking about it. It became more about identifying the absolute must-haves, the things that actually build a real connection, not just a checklist.
- Respect. Mutual respect. Huge.
- Communication. Actually talking and listening, even when it’s hard.
- Shared core values. What fundamentally matters in life.
- Kindness and empathy. Not just to me, but generally.
- Reliability. Can I count on you? Can you count on me?
- Someone who supports my growth, and lets me support theirs.
Doing this whole exercise… it didn’t magically produce the ideal boyfriend. That’s not how it works. But it did clear out a lot of the noise in my head. I stopped stressing about the superficial stuff I thought I should want. It made me focus on the substance, the things that actually make a partnership work, at least for me. Felt like I could navigate dating with a bit more clarity, less swayed by shiny distractions and more tuned into what actually feels right and sustainable. It was messy, just sitting and thinking and remembering, but definitely worth doing.
