Okay, so I’ve been feeling this “alone in marriage” thing lately, and it’s been eating at me. I figured I should probably do something about it, instead of just letting it fester. So, here’s what I did.
Step 1: Acknowledging the Elephant
First, I had to admit to myself that something was off. It wasn’t some huge fight or dramatic event, just this… distance. Like we were living parallel lives under the same roof. I spent a few days just kind of observing our routines, noticing when I felt that pang of loneliness the most.
Step 2: The Dreaded “Talk”
Yeah, this was the hard part. I knew I needed to talk to my husband, but I was terrified of making things worse, or him brushing it off. I finally just blurted it out one evening after dinner. I’m not gonna lie, it was awkward. I think I started with, “So, I’ve been feeling a bit… disconnected lately,” and it kind of spiraled from there. I tried to focus on my feelings, using “I” statements and all that jazz. Like, “I feel lonely when we spend all evening on our phones,” instead of “You’re always on your phone!”
Step 3: Actually Listening
- Make it his turn.
- Try to really hear what he was saying.
- Listen to my spouse feedback.
It turned out he’d been feeling it too, but he thought it was just him being stressed about work. We talked for a good hour, maybe more, just hashing things out. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses, but it was real. We both admitted we’d gotten lazy about connecting, prioritizing work and chores and everything else over us.
Step 4: Baby Steps Back to Connection
We didn’t magically fix everything with one conversation, obviously. But we made a pact to try. We started small:
- Dinner Dates (at home): We started putting our phones away during dinner, just for 30 minutes, to actually talk.
- Scheduled “Us” Time: We literally put it in our calendars – one night a week for a date night (even if it’s just watching a movie together, no phones allowed!).
- Little Check-ins: We started making a point to ask each other about our day, not just the “did you take out the trash?” kind of questions, but actually asking, “How did that meeting go?” or “What was the best part of your day?”
Step 5: Keeping It Going
It’s been a few weeks now, and it’s… better. It’s not perfect, and we still have moments where we slip back into old habits.
It’s like any habit that requires long-term adherence, keep showing up.
The biggest thing is that we’re aware of it now. We’re actively trying to nurture our connection, instead of just letting it wither. It’s a work in progress, for sure, but I feel a lot less alone now, and that’s a huge win.
