Okay, so yesterday I decided to really dig into this whole “conflict triggers” thing. I’ve been noticing some recurring patterns in my arguments, both at work and at home, and I figured it was time to get to the bottom of it.
My Little Experiment Begins
First, I grabbed a notebook and pen – yeah, old school, I know, but it helps me think. Then, I spent a good hour just brainstorming. I jotted down every single argument or disagreement I could remember from the past few weeks. Big ones, small ones, everything.
Once I had a decent list, I started looking for common threads. What were the recurring themes? What situations seemed to set me off, or make me react defensively?
The “Aha!” Moments
It was kinda painful, to be honest. I had to face some uncomfortable truths about myself. But here’s what I discovered:
- Feeling unheard: This was a big one. When I feel like my opinion isn’t being valued, or like I’m being interrupted, I get super frustrated.
- Perceived disrespect: If someone’s tone is condescending or dismissive, even unintentionally, I immediately get defensive.
- Unmet expectations: When I expect something to go a certain way, and it doesn’t, I tend to react poorly, especially if I haven’t communicated those expectations clearly.
- Feeling rushed or pressured: If I’m already stressed and someone adds another demand, I’m way more likely to snap.
Putting it into Practice
So, knowing these triggers is one thing, but doing something about them is another. Today, I tried to be extra mindful of these patterns. When I felt a conversation starting to go south, I took a deep breath and tried to identify which trigger was being pulled.
For example, in a meeting, a colleague started talking over me. Instead of getting angry, I remembered my “feeling unheard” trigger. I took a beat, and then calmly said, “Excuse me, I’d like to finish my thought.” It worked! He apologized, and I was able to make my point without any drama.
Still a Work in Progress
It’s definitely not perfect. I still messed up a couple of times today, but overall, I felt like I had more control over my reactions. It’s like having a little cheat sheet for my own emotions. I’m going to keep practicing this, and hopefully, I’ll get better at navigating those tricky conversations.
