Okay, so things between my husband and I had gotten, well, stale. Not bad, just…blah. Like roommates who shared a bed. I knew we needed to reconnect, so I decided to get proactive. No more waiting around for “magic” to happen.
First, I started with communication. I mean, really talking. Not just “How was your day?” but deeper stuff. One night, instead of watching TV, I asked him, “What’s something you’ve been wanting to do lately that we haven’t?” It turned out he’d been missing our weekend hikes. Simple, right?
Getting Intentional
- Initiated conversations: Instead of waiting for him, I’d start chats about us. “What’s your favorite memory of us from the last year?” Stuff like that. Awkward at first, but it got easier.
- Planned date nights: I know, I know, everyone says this. But we actually did it. No phones, no kids (thanks, Mom!). We went to that little Italian place we used to love, and it felt like we were dating again. I choose the restaurant.
- Put a stop to the same things: We’d find that when we wanted to have date night we’d go to the same places, order the same food and talk about the same topics. So, it was my job to fix that.
Then I focused on physical touch. Not just, you know, that, but the little things. Holding hands while we watched a movie, a hug for no reason, a quick back rub when he was stressed. I made a conscious effort to be more affectionate, and he responded. It’s like we’d forgotten how good those small connections felt.
- Hug: Randomly during the day and after work, when we had a moment I made sure to stop and give a proper hug.
- Kiss: Mornings can be hard to get a proper kiss in but when he was leaving for work I’d make the point to walk him to the door and give him a full kiss, like the ones that get your heart going.
- Hold hands: Always holding hands, in the car, while out and about, I always made sure to reach for his hand.
Next, I tried something new. I suggested we take a dance class together. He was hesitant at first (two left feet, he claimed), but we ended up laughing so much. It was fun, a little silly, and definitely brought us closer.
Finally,I expressed,appreciation and gratitude. I started made an effort to say “thank you” more, even for the small things. “Thanks for taking out the trash,” “I appreciate you working so hard for our family.” It sounds basic, but it made a difference. He started noticing and reciprocating.
It wasn’t an overnight miracle, but slowly, surely, we started to feel like us again. We reconnected, not just as husband and wife, but as best friends. And that, my friends, is worth more than anything.
