So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much attention really matters in, well, any kind of relationship. Not just the romantic ones, but friendships too. And honestly, I think it’s a HUGE deal. I decided to kind of experiment on this, just in my everyday life, to see if paying more focused attention would change things.
My Little Experiment
First, I started with my friend, Sarah. We usually meet up for coffee, but half the time I’m scrolling through my phone, kind of half-listening. It’s bad, I know. So, this week, I decided: phone away. Like, completely away, in my bag, zipped up.
- Step 1: Consciously Decide to Focus. Before we even met, I told myself, “I’m going to REALLY listen to Sarah.” Sounds simple, but it was a mindset shift.
- Step 2: Put Away Distractions. Phone in the bag, as I said. This was crucial.
- Step 3: Active Listening. This meant actually looking at her when she talked, nodding, asking follow-up questions, you know, actually engaging.
- Step 4: Observing the Results. Paying attention to how the conversation felt, how she seemed to react.
It was… kinda amazing. Seriously. She seemed more animated, more excited to share. We ended up talking about things we hadn’t touched on in ages. She even said, “It feels like we haven’t really connected like this in a while.” And it was TRUE. I felt closer to her, just by, well, paying attention.
Then I tried it with my partner, Mark. We have this habit of watching TV while we eat dinner. It’s comfortable, but also… a bit mindless. So, one night, I suggested, “Hey, how about we eat at the table, no TV?” He was a little surprised, but went along with it.
- Step 1: Setting the Stage. No TV, phones put aside. Just us, the food, and (hopefully) conversation.
- Step 2: Asking Open-Ended Questions. Instead of “How was your day?” (which usually gets a “Fine”), I tried things like, “What was the most interesting thing that happened today?”
- Step 3: Really Responding. Not just “Uh-huh,” but actually engaging with what he said, sharing my own thoughts and feelings.
- Step 4: Noticing the Difference. Again, seeing if the vibe of the interaction changed.
The difference was, again, noticeable. We laughed more. We talked about things other than work and bills. It felt like we were actually dating again, not just co-existing. It was a small change – just turning off the TV – but it made a big impact.
The point is, it’s simple, but It worked.
