Okay, so I’ve been meaning to try this whole “dick pic” thing for a while now. It’s kinda awkward, but I figured I’d document it here, like a diary of my stupidity. I started by, well, getting ready. You know, cleaning up and all that. I took a quick shower and trimmed the hedges, so to speak. Gotta make a good first impression, right?
Getting the Right Angle
Next up, the angle. This was way harder than I thought it would be. I tried holding my phone above, but it just looked weird and small, no offense to anyone. Then I tried from below, which was a disaster. Double chin city, and nobody needs to see that. After like a million tries, I settled on a slightly angled shot from the side. It seemed to show off the, uh, merchandise the best.
Lighting is Key
Lighting was another huge pain. My bathroom light is way too harsh, and it made everything look washed out. And using the flash, well, it’s too obvious. So, I ended up turning off the main light and using just the little one above the mirror. It gave a softer, more natural look, kinda like those Instagram models, but for…you know.
Finding the Perfect Pose
- The “Casual Lean”: I tried leaning against the sink, one hand on the counter, the other holding the phone. It felt kinda forced, but it worked okay.
- The “Sitting Down”: This one was a no-go. Just awkward and unflattering.
- The “Standing Straight”: This is the one I finally chose. Simple, direct, and it seemed to do the job.
Editing and Filters
I didn’t want to go crazy with the editing. I mean, it’s supposed to be a picture of my junk, not a work of art. But I did play around with the brightness and contrast a little, just to make it look a bit better. I considered a filter, but then I thought, nah, that’s cheating. Gotta keep it real, you know?
The Final Product
After all that, I finally got a pic I was kinda okay with. It wasn’t perfect, but it was decent. I sent it to a friend for, um, feedback, and they said it was pretty good. Mission accomplished, I guess? This whole thing was way more work than I expected. Maybe I’ll stick to selfies from the neck up from now on. Or maybe not. We’ll see. This was certainly an experience.
Anyway I felt like I should do this. I did it and I am sharing it with you guys. Hope you enjoyed my little adventure!
