So, I started looking into this whole “Gottman Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” thing, and man, it’s been a wild ride! I heard about it from a friend who’s big into self-help stuff. I was like, what the heck, I’ll give it a shot.
First, I started digging around to understand what these “horsemen” are. Turns out, they’re basically four bad communication habits that can really mess up a relationship. A guy named Dr. John Gottman, some relationship guru, came up with them after watching couples for like, 40 years. I guess when you watch couples that long you find out a lot.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- Criticism: This is where you’re basically attacking your partner’s character instead of just talking about the problem.
- Defensiveness: This is the classic “it’s not me, it’s you” kind of deal. It’s like deflecting any sort of responsibility.
- Contempt: Now, this one’s the real bad guy. It’s like looking down on your partner, being sarcastic, mocking them – just pure disrespect.
- Stonewalling: This is where you just shut down and stop talking. It is the silent treatment but worse.
I started paying attention to how I talk to my significant other, and let me tell you, it was eye-opening. I noticed I was being critical sometimes without even realizing it. Like, instead of saying, “Hey, could you help out with the dishes?” I’d say, “You never do the dishes.” Ouch. That’s criticism right there. I also found out that sometimes I used defensiveness. I always felt like I was doing nothing wrong but turns out, I wasn’t taking responsibilty.
So, I started working on it. I started trying to be more mindful of my words. Instead of criticizing, I’m trying to focus on the specific behavior that’s bothering me. I have to be extra careful here, but I did notice an improvement in this area.
The defensiveness is still a struggle. It’s like my automatic reaction. But I’m trying to catch myself and just listen to what my partner is saying instead of immediately jumping to my own defense. It’s hard, man, but I think it’s getting a little better.
Contempt, though? I don’t think I really had that problem, thank goodness. I mean, I don’t go around mocking my partner or anything. But I can see how that would be a huge issue. Stonewalling I can see being a problem, but luckily I haven’t really experienced it.
It’s definitely a work in progress, but I feel like I’m making some headway. It’s not like our relationship was on the rocks or anything, but these little changes have definitely made a difference. We’re communicating better, and there’s less tension overall. Who knew these four horsemen could be such a big deal? It’s crazy how these little communication tweaks can make such a big impact.
I’m still working on it, day by day. But I’m hoping that by keeping these horsemen in check, we can keep our relationship strong. It’s all about putting in the effort, right?
