Man, you won’t believe what I’ve been up to. I saw this thing online about the world record for the longest dick, and I got curious. I mean, who wouldn’t be? So, I decided to see if I could beat it. Yeah, I know, it sounds crazy, but I thought, “Why the hell not?”
First thing I did was dig into what the current record was. Turns out, some dude named Roberto Esquivel Cabrera from Mexico had the title. This guy’s packing a whopping 18.9 inches. I read a few articles about him – one from September 1, 2015, another from January 20, 2017, and a couple more from 2021 and 2022. All of them said the same thing: 52 to 54 years old, lives in Saltillo, Mexico, and has a 18.9-inch monster.
Start to Measure
Then there was another name that popped up: Jonah Falcon, an American guy. His was listed at 13.5 inches when erect. Still insane, but a bit more in the realm of possibility, I thought. Armed with this info, I started my, uh, “training.”
I started to measure my dick everyday. What a stupid action. But it make me feel so good when I am doing this.
But I know this is not a real thing. I just want to see what will happen if I keep doing this stupid thing.
Fail…
I tried all sorts of stuff that I found online. I won’t get into the specifics, but let’s just say it involved a lot of stretching, weird exercises, and some questionable supplements. Every day, I’d meticulously measure myself, hoping to see some progress. Most days, it was the same old story. But every once in a while, I’d get a tiny bit of extra length, which was enough to keep me going. Still, nothing groundbreaking.
Months went by, and I was starting to lose hope. It was a lot of work for very little gain. Plus, it was kind of embarrassing. Imagine having to explain this to someone. “Oh, this? It’s just my dick-stretching routine.” Yeah, not exactly conversation starter material.
In the end, I didn’t break the record, not even close. But you know what? I don’t even care. It was a wild ride, and I learned a lot about… well, about how far I’m willing to go for something totally ridiculous. Would I recommend it? Hell no. But was it an experience? Absolutely.
So, there you have it. My quest to have the world’s longest dick. It didn’t pan out, but hey, at least I’ve got a story to tell, right? And I guess I found out I’m not as competitive as I thought I was. Or maybe I’m just not cut out for the world of extreme dick records. Either way, I’m hanging up my measuring tape and calling it a day.
